The Writer's Block - BlueSea14's Journal

Dear Rita,

Hey, how have you been? I haven't seen you in about a week and a half now. It's very sad. I'd invite myself over to your house to see how you're doing, but unfortunately for me, I'm still banned from driving because of the pain meds that I'm not even taking anymore. Go figure. And Jeffrey keeps going to visit his friends after school. Shared car? *snort. Yeah, right.

Anyway...

If you saw "Supernatural" Thursday night (April 30) then...OH MY GLIFF! THAT WAS FREAKIN' OH...MY...GLIFF!

And if you didn't, still OH MY GLIFF! but with an added YOU HAVE TO SEE IT!

There's just so much to talk about for that one. We'll talk about that later, though, sweetie. ;)

You know, it's odd how everyone keeps missing school. First me, out for a week. Then Zach was out for a long time too, and you--I'm not sure with the timeline for you two, but I think that he was gone for the last part of the week I missed and I know I saw you Monday for certain. Although I was busy with ASB stuff on Tuesday during lunch, so my apologies if you were gone and that went over my head. :( And then Sarah was out this Thursday and Friday. I'm wondering who will be gone next week. It's really rather sad that we can't all wait for summer to ditch school. ;)

I'm eating dinner as I type. I really don't like hot dogs very much. I always end up removing the hot dog halfway through and eating just the bun, mayo, and cheese (yes, mayo and cheese on a hot dog--it's really quite good). And Dad was hungry when he went shopping in Trader Joe's today, so he bought a bunch of food we don't really need. Like TJ's brand Fritos. They taste as good as the brand-name ones, though, and are probably healthier. Go figure.

Oh, you've been gone, so I didn't get to tell you yet. My German teacher is out for the rest of the year. You know how she has all those health problems and et cetera? Well, her doctors have told her she should go on disability for about three weeks now. And on Monday, she fell in class--passed out cold. Security kicked us to the library. She came back Wednesday to tell us that was her last day. On Friday, we had Mr. Keltner as a sub (he's one of our favorites), and he told us that we have a Spanish teacher for the rest of the year. Yeah, a Spanish teacher.

And I think I've babbled on long enough, now, to entertain you for a while. Have I fulfilled your requirements for another Rita-centric entry to my journal? ;) :D

BlueSea14

So, I've been doing pretty well for a while. I'd like to thank those readers who sent me comments asking if I was well--I really appreciate the thought. I assure you, I'm perfectly fine--I just overreact, and I have bad days.

Speaking of which, I'm feeling down again, and I found this old poem that I wrote a while back but never put up here. I experimented with a specific style of poetry, but I played around with it a little, the way "One Art" by Elizabeth Bishop did. That was my inspiration for trying my hand at a villanelle.

Enjoy. Or, er, not...

To Catch More Flies

Sweet honey forms words with
strength, like that of death, to
narrate the eulogy to the truth.

Questioning, careful pain is wroung in
self in sky in love-ly dancing puppets
which, drenched in honey, form words.

Illuminate faultlines between phrases--the
lost books, such utter necessity to
the unfinished eulogy to truth.

From impartial and sure iron pen springs
forth dark, wild, ribbonned ink to
form honey-laden words. A cover,

then, for the other, the known, the
novels. The language of life is yet
an eulogy to the truth.

Vinegar spills across the page--
vitriolic, delightful, too mature,
while honey stains and sticks
words to form a eulogy.

I mus admit, the current situation I'm in fits this poem even better than the original situation that led to the creation of this piece of poetry.

Anyway, just wanted to share that with you. Thanks for reading. :)

This is my angst journal, after all. I know my problems really aren't all that terrible, but they hurt me, so I'm just going to throw up the poem because it really helps me release my stress when I write. And concentrating on getting a poem just right is actually pretty hard work. I think that this one's at "okay" status, so...

feel

     feeling this - victimized
 tears
    behind my eyes; i should not -
  stubborn donotcare -
but no, i do
             i do care
  i know what           this
                              reaction is,
            that it is one, but can you stop your mind?
say somthing?
                           how - i know what you really mean
tell you?
                           how - you don't mean anything by it
speak up?
                           how - i know you don't mean to
             i know
             i know you don't mean it-
painhurtworrystressfear-
             i know what i know
    but to convince my mind, to listen to my heart - 
                            mind over matter -
     is not easy. no, but i try. and maybe, despite
painhurtworrystressfear
                         you do to.
          yes? no?
   i think i know you
   i know you know you
                                        ?

...That's all. Again, I don't mean to disrespect anyone or try and force you all to think that I'm the only one who's right. This is MY opinion, okay? You have your side, and I acknowledge it. Thanks.

Anyway...that's all for today. :D

BlueSea14

Sometimes I am so mad at Fanfiction.net that I just want to scream!

I hate arguing with my mom and despite the fact that I know she means well, sometimes I just want to either run away or scream my lungs out at her.

Today was a good day, which means that I am now happy. Surprising, right?

It's a rainy day today. I like the rain - it looks pretty and feels wonderful.